SCHOOL!

so there was a time i dint really have my ppl, well that time has passed! the nerds who play there magci evry day and role play evry day. have let me slip in to there world! i feel as tho maybe i have finly found some ppl that dont care how i am, they just let me do what i want and do look at me like im crazy or worthles! THANK THE GODS AND GODDESS FOR NREDS!

vrumm vrumm

haha it was so amazing, tonight i whint rollre skating! i had so much fun!! i whint with alot of little kids but it was rad! i had forgotin how fun it is and how much work it takes. but once you pick it back up its really ez! haha im so going back in like 5 days! i cant wate, i just wish i had somes hand to hold!

p.s i know your out there mr. right, fuck mr. right now! i just want you!

raawww time to be happy

Evan i, seemingly emo till the end of time knows that theres a light! haah i gez i just need to let it all spill by, see whats right in front of me! i can truly say at this time for right in this time, i am truly happy. just to know there are ppl out there that care no matre how miny times i tell my self i have no one, i know i all ways have friends!

the life of a ginger is not fucking life at all...

DAMN YOU. damn this life i live for its not worth the time i put in to it. the only thing i want in life is LOVE thats all im evan willing to work for be evry time i omost have it, fate steps in and fucking ripes my soul out and feeds it to hungre animlas out on the kill! its just like what the hells rong with me...what so bad about me that im not worth somes love....maybe its cus i am me, i tell the truth i belive there is only one way to love some one and thats truly, i gez im the only on it the world that feels that way.... so all i have to say is! FUCK YOU LIFE GET HELL OUT OF MY WAY AND LET SOME ONE LOVE ME ..plz so i can stop crying?

how do you know

how do you know if some likes you. whats the give away. I'm an emotional person so, times hard for me... i like to know what ppl are thinking and what there thinking of me

this guy, its the first time iv felt this way, like all worlds stop and all i can think about is him...but its not the same as in the past were i jumped right in to it, and dint take the time to get to know them as a person, as a friend, and as them self's.

but this guy hes just, hes the guy iv all ways seem in my head. the boy who iv dreamed about...and theres a good chance that he dues not feel that way about me. and I'm will to take that...but the more i think about it the more i see i need some one like him (him i hope) in my life i know whats wrong in my life. the stuff i want to stop doing, the ppl i want to stop hanging out with, and the way i live my life. i need some one like him to help me down the right path, the motivation to do it, to leave behind this part of my life.

i stop believing in god, some years ago. high school was bad for me, i was fat and slip in to that darker side of it all...my dad got a new wife who forced me to got to church and dress up and shoved it in my face (shes still dues) and i was a grumpy teen so i fully pulled away from it all i stoped caring about life...in my 4 years of high school i atimped to kill my self about 8 time...but right be for i did it, id think of my family and the ways i was raised...i loved church as a kid, it was a happy place for me... but as iv got older and far away from that time, the more empty iv felt..and so iv spinet miny atime and miny a thing to feel my self...drinking, sex, boys, girls. rocky horror, drugs....and all ways as sune as the highs gone I'm empty, I'm lonely, and I'm down....

i think I'm just starting to see that, that I'm not that sad grumpy mad teen, iv all ways bine older then the kids my age..but i all ways did my best to act the same..and im starting to see that, that's why i dint like my self i was hiding my self Even from my self....i like the person i am, whine I'm not with the ppl that are holding me back..and i all way told my self i was with them to help them but i was not i was holding my self back.

i feel like a new person, i feel opine, i feel clean!

thanks "best buy guy" as my friends have taken up calling him!

to live life

to live your life you have to take a chance, but yo also have to take the bad and believe in the good. last night , it all seem just right i was happy, but then i whint out to see some family i had not seem in about a year. it all start off good but the longer i was there i could see they had no faith, in them self, in life, in god. nothing and they all just used echothre and were unkind and oh so uncaring! how could some one, let alone a grup of people live there life that way? it upset me and and made me wish they were not my family. so i was on my way home.

and then this guy iv liked for some time on call! i forgot how unhappy i was! i was giddy! haaha, lame i know!its just hes a really nice guy, good looking, has a life that he worked for and has put time in to. hes going place evan tho he may not see it. guy that are well put together really don't seem to want to spend time with me..why i have no clue. but from the first time i saw him, we clicked! it was amazing! but iny ways!

i whint and spinet some time at hes place and we talk about life and the world and how humans are killing the world and them self! it was the best having some one to talk to that sees the world in the ways i do, and you know some thing just spending time with and talking, made me want to be a battre person, to fix the little thangs i say I'm going to and then put off! and really just wanted to spend more time with him!

and who knows maybe he felt the same way ( i can only hope) but if not, i think and feel that it was fait that helped us meet! and I'm ok with just that if that's all i get!

that first feeling of the day

you know, that feeling whin you first get up. whin nothings rong, your still riding your dream..

i love that feeling, it gives me hope, and takes away all the pain and hurt from the day be.

the only thang i seem to miss is the ppl see in my dreams....but its ok cus i get to see them next time i sleep!!

the life of a ginger

the life of a ginger is a hard life, i have no soul, no point, but to EAT yours!

but no really some days it really dues suck,, ppl are really fucked up and god damn it! i fucking hate old ppl!!

if i have no soul will i still age??

do ppl really read what i have to say!!! i think not! dues that stop me..nope, no way!

one day you'll all see ill be your god and there will be nothing you can do about it!

for get the #s!@

hahaha, iv bine going all day! haha......ha..h..a....

well as it is fate plays a good game of cards! i gave you a chance to make a point ot make your move, but sadlly little jail bate, your not worth that. i am all ways there for you, but im not your.....

it may hurt you, it may evan brake you, i know the feeling all to well. iv hurt you be for, and id really rathre not have to do it agine. is it to muchh to ask you to move on? the world is bing cep looking for your fish boy!

and now ill drop a line in the sea along side you and just maybe we will both fine that one little fish that feels us up with all were looking and craving for!!!

what makes us grown ups

whin do you go from kid to adult? whin do you stop growning up and start to age? what makes othre see you in that way?

is it the act of makeing love, is it the act of geting a job or a car...no

it is whin the ppl around you start to fall way, whin they start to care more about them selfs then othres.

yes there are the ones like us who no mattre what has faith, in the would and othre ppl. and us the belivers are the ones that will all ways be as a kid....but we are groun up whin the need bes.

the belivers are the ones the world looks to for hope, for happyness, for faith, and for LOVE!!!

...so life

so some times life, it just seems to slip right up to your face to say hi... my hart told me it wants to love you. my body calls for your love. but i my self feel you should have to work for it. and i am sorry it hurts you to know that. but to be the person you need and want me to be, this is the way are life has to be. i so care about you i do, but i care for minny, and not all care for me. i cant take the pain aging and aging. i truly cant see how iv stayed alive for this long... and maybe it was to be with you but maybe not........plzz just opine up to me let me see the truth...

shut up and let me go!

shhhhh as the music plays, you sit, you think, you wate. you want to make the move to me, but cant bring your self to do it. finly you move, to slow to slow. you want more from your life, more then to slow, more then omost there. you want to feel the air, the sky up so high.

but the time come youll be there to look out on them all as the fall, for you in the end, moved so slow you made it more real, more true. then you evan know.

so keep your head up little boy, for your times coming!

heyyyy

well were to start, first off my names amanda but my peeps call me ginger.

i live in a place called happy valley, they call it that cus were not all that happy most ppl are just really high. its in uper nor-cal.

im 18, and i just have alot to say alot of the time. words just seem to want to come up of me.

they live, they grow, then they want out.

so i made them this blog!!

if theres more you need to know, asd and i will tell or just wate and see. it all comes out in the end!!

~ginger~