So today was a day, it was up, it was down, but it still rained all day. It was as the worlds way of tell me it’d be ok. For truly no one can see you cry in the rain. Only you and your self, can and know the truth.

Today I had a bad day, I messed up in photo class, I got in a fight with my now x boyfriend, and I fell down and hit my head really hard, ppl think I should have passed out! and last but not lest my yoga class was called off.

So I spint the night at the x boyfriends, and we did what we all ways do, we got high. And then whint to bed. But I dint sleep, I was thinking about how unhappy I was. And then a light whint off and it came to me, I love him but not as a lover. I cant see my self with him. So today I told him and now were not going out he’s rather up set, but im rather happy. I think I knew it was not going to work from the start. But im happy no matre what!

me, my self, and you

me, im random, cute, cuddly, clam most of the time, i care about all ppl, and all life, i like to be clean and smart, i like ppl to think good of me, and i want to show that i respecte my self.

i really dont like lot about my self to tall ya the truth, i seem to hurt ppl alot, i mess up, i get hurt, i seem to like hurting my self and othres at times.

you, just dont give a shit, you just let parts slip by, you look ovre the little stuff, you dont seem to all ways see my pain, but you love me, you care about your friends and your famly, you hold my hand, you care.

i know were doing are best as the 2 of us, just wish youd take the time to ask how i feel , and whin i do tell you , that you would take it and ues it not jsut walk by it. i still love you, i cant stop i just wish youd take acount how i feel more often.

~GINGER BEAR~

the muse of life

you know tho's days whine its all up, or its all down? whine nothing seems right, but at the same time its just the way you want it? no song seems to fit your mood, but you want to play it all?

that's the day i had, I'm happy for the first time in a long time. I'm back with my x, and were doing good. maybe Evan beter then the first time we were togethre!

but at the same time, i can see it all could fall apart. i don't think it will tho. he and his friends have there own place, so i can stay the night whin i want to! they want me to move in! haha i was like um sorry guys i cant!

there very hippys! haha they want to give me dreds and stuff, im a clean frerk! aghhhhh not geting dreds no way!! ew.....

its really cool tho, cus like some how they find a way to eat, some, rint, drive, and have some what lifes with out having jobs, and or geting cash from there mom and dads all the time. they jsut work whin they need to and ues less. its amzing what ppl can do whin they really want and need to.

im going to need time to find a way to work there way of life with my way.but were all very will to work on it, i think they want me to move in cus they know i'll go crazy if i dont clean up all the time, so its like a free made!! haha

but trully i think im geting happy agine! and i hope it stays this time!

days go by

And days go by...I can feel 'em flyin'Like a hand out the window in the wind.The cars go by...Yeah it's all we've been given,So you better start livin' right now'Cause days go by...Oh and a woo-hoo... (keith urban)

as my days go by, i seem to see it all, i can feel tthe hope washing up and down like the sea. and then you can back, you told me you still love me and you know how stupid you really were, and and i litght up. cus your all i wanted, your what made me happy, yes you hurt me more then iny one in my life, but in some crazy way, it just made me love you so much more!! baby your my life no matre what and i have faith, that if we work on it will could be so happy togethre!

february 14th, aka hell day or is it??

hahaha crayz past 3 no 4 days! whint on a date with a boy, his brothre the next 2 days, the gets a girl frined who is not me! my ex starts talking to me agine, and i know i still love and should not atlk to him, but i do i just cant help it. he seems to make me, ME! cryed my self too sleep alst night thing of how crappy to day would be. truns out that yes i was down, up set, and unhappy, till 8 pm, but i whit to my ex's place and we talked it out and were probly going to get back to gethre...

im happy but at the same time i know it has to work out this time, or im going to die!

karma or fate?

hummm, life is so un kind to me.

no one wants this lonely little ginger, not evan othre gingers.

im so full of love and joy, all i want it some one to give it to, to care about, and to love. thats all really!

why it seems i have no good love karma, or maybe fate hates me hella, i dont really know...

im going to just give up and let the sadness take me....


bye life.

humm little time, lots of hope

soooo iv bine having a good time as of like the last 2 weeks. making new friends, and new relationships, reblinding old ones, and holding on to the old ones!i think maybe i found something that makes me want to get up in the moring! im starting to feel like amanda, like there really are people out there that do really care about me and want to know me, tust me, care about me, and i hope love me in given time!i have the hope that maybe its all starting to go betre, ya i still cant find a job no matre how hard i look, but i think he knows how bad i want one. i hope that ill show how much i want to care, and feel the same way as i do!

only time will tell but i have the hope and i have the fiath, that one day gingers will be loved!